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Fictional Guild Wars login announcements
Originals are at Guild Wars login announcements. Beware of bosses Never give an in-game boss your password, it will log in to your account and remove all your skills, ensuring it an easy victory. It will also log in to your real life and burn your real items and kill all of your loved ones. Consider yourself warned. Beware of fake login announcements Some Guild Wars websites may display login announcements that are not actually authored by ArenaNet and have never run on the GuildWars login screen. Be alert! Stay safe! Wear a condom! Beware of Xunlai Secret Agents bearing gifts of Peace and Harmony Although they may look innocent at first glance, they can quickly remove hexes and pre-existing conditions and are just terrible, terrible experience for your monkey. Review the Naming Policy There are some types of names that are not funny, so before creating a new character, please ask your sober friends whether it really is as funny as you think it is. Example: "Nee Gromancer" is not a good name for a Necromancer. If it spells words, spellcheck them. Buying Gold costs money If you purchase gold for real-world money, you are spending money on a game that could be spent on food, clothes, or a hot, sensual experience (such as a warm massage bath). Instead you are spending money to have fun at a game that should have been fun even without you having spend money to get play-money. If Guild Wars isn't fun for you, don't play and don't pay! Unless, of course, the game becomes much more fun once you remove the tedium component. Don't Give Account Information to 4chan Beware of Anonymous who ask for your account information "for teh lulz". The request "Account or GTFO" is designed to trick you into divulging your personal information, which is then used to have fun with your account. Never give your account information to anonymous. Also remember: if you let 4chan have your login details, your account will likely be suspended in short order, but at least it will be funny. Chat Channel Changes Players are reminded that the chat channels are intended for social activities. Players using the chat channels to hang idling are subject to account suspension. Be sure to use the chat regularly! See the Conduct Breaches and Outcomes document at www.guildwars.com/support/conduct_breach for more information on how to abuse the chat channels properly. I Have a New Key Now buy a new door. Isle of the Nameless temporarily closed The PvP hub and part time swimming pool Isle of the Nameless has been temporarily closed by person, or persons unknown. When asked about the closure, an ArenaNet source would only whisper, "Gnomes!" and directed further questions to their community representative, Regina. Cats All your base are now belong to us. RubberBandits Ive a Horse Outside. Double drop rates for the faithful This year, players playing as a Monk or Dervish will be rewarded by the gods with a double drop rate. Players that create characters after this announcement shall not qualify, as they are false converts, and do not exhibit real faith. CHUCK NORRIS WEEKEND This weekend, players will be playing as Chuck Norris and all skills will be replaced by roundhouse kick. Free green replication For the weekend of 13 November, we mistakenly announced that players would have 'double odds of receiving green items'. Our player community kindly pointed out to us that 2 is not an odd number. As a result, only one green item dropped at a time. This weekend, players can talk to King Frozenwind in the Underworld and present any green items to receive an identical copy. We apologize for the inconvenience. Permanent Deaths Due to server errors, players have reported deaths to lead to deletion of characters. Arenanet is working on the problem, but will not be able to fix it before Monday. Until a final solution is released, we recommend staying off those characters you treasure or enjoy playing, and instead make a Dervish. Map Travel Changes Due to constant abuse of a bug with the main map that enabled players to instantly warp to locations, we have banned all players that abused this exploit. As a bug fix, we have updated the game to use a new Map Travel system that costs one map travel ticket per use. Tickets are available from Kuunavang in the Harvest Temple for 10g each. Our deepest apologies to those on the far side of Tyria and Elona. Vanquishing Update When you entered an explorable area which you have previously vanquished, there will be no enemies. Be careful when vanquishing an area if you have not got an elite skill from that area. Dhuum Careful, Dhuum is looking for new recruits daily. He needs to fill up Underworld with slaves. If you get tapped by him, remember that there's nothing you can do. He will hunt you if you try to run away. Chicken Weekend Exploding chickens are on the loose! Randomly exploding chickens are attacking people and giving them exploding chicken disease (condition). Beware! and be cautious where you tread, when they attack they remove all your items and skills, transmit the "disease" and run away. Chickens have never been more dangerous! Assassin weekend This weekend players playing as assassins will be randomly challenged to a dagger duel by Dhuum while in city or an outpost, because he is angry with them. If you lose this fight, you will be permanently banned for the duration of the event. Good luck! Guild Wars Replaced This weekend many people will find that Guild Wars has been replaced by a cow. Some say he likes tickling Grenth. Others say his favourite sandwich is salmon and cucumber. But all we know is he's called: TORQUE!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL HAIL TORQUE GREY!!!!! Lunar Tokens It's Canthan New Year! Your Lunar Tokens can be traded in for something new! 10 Lunar Tokens = 2 Globs Of Ectoplasm. Get your Ecto before the offer expires! Louie Spence Weekend This Weekend all new characters will develop an interest in artistic personality and will have an Essex accent combined with a lisp. Also you may become openly gay. Please we advise you to stay at home and play your current characters before you become the ultimate rubber man. Tongue Rash Precautions The recent surge in Guild Wars cases of tongue rash has been traced back to the source, a Canthan slave producing Red Bean Cakes for the New Year celebrations. Emperor Kisu has ordered a recall of all Red Bean Cakes aquired from 2nd February onwards. Beware of the rash, check your character's tongues daily. A remedy is available from the monks in Shing Jea Monastery. Dwayna is Pregnant! This weekend players will be encouraged to visit Ashford Abbey (or Sardelac Sanitarium, as it is now known) to witness the baptism of Dwayna's child. Players will receive Half-Eaten Blobs as a reward. Also, we will be betting on who is the father. Grenth or Balthazar. WoW Weekend This weekend all accounts will be transformed to mimick WoW accounts. At random, a lucky acccount will be transformed into a Night Elf carrying Mohawk Night Elf grenades. Ideas Hailing Abbadon keeps the Margonites at bay. ALL HAIL KOSS!!!!!!! This weekend any male elementalists caught dancing and reported will have their accounts permabanned. action=edit}} add fictional announcement